There are some sentences that act like deadly silent ninjas, killing self-confidence and antagonizing your friends, family and colleagues—the worst thing is that you might not even realize it.
You’ve just said something wrong. The other person is looking at you with a red angry face, but the issue is not about what you’ve said, it’s about what they’ve heard. Here are 6 things you should never say to anyone:
1. “I don’t care”
What they hear when you say that: “Leave me alone. I have better things to do than listen to you.”
Explain why you would love to hear about that subject, and why “right now” is not the best time for you. Everybody matters. Not caring about someone is denying their existence: If people matter for you, you will matter for them.
2. “You’re wrong”
What they hear when you say that : “You are stupid. You know nothing. You’re worthless.”
Always ask questions to make sure you and the other person are working on the same assumptions. Never be too fast to criticize.
3. “You can’t do it”
What they hear when you say that: “You don’t have what it takes to do it, no matter how hard you try; So why do you even try?”
Why would you set someone up for failure? I understand that you don’t want your friend to have delusions, and you could feel that it is your duty to stop that person before they hurt themselves, but I would like to ask you: how can you judge what is good for somebody? And what if failure was the best path for growth?
Always encourage people who have chosen a challenging path.Good judgement comes with experience, but experience comes from bad judgement
4. “This should be easy”
What they hear when you say that: “It’s easy for most people. If you have trouble doing it, there is probably something wrong about you”
If someone is struggling and coming for help, then they have trust you enough to show you their weakness. Don’t rub their face in it by saying “This should be easy”. Acknowledge the challenges that people encounter and value their commitment to overcome them.
5. “I told you so”
What they hear when you say that: “You did not listen to me. That’s all your fault. I’m so much better than you.”
Don’t keep tabs on who’s right and who’s wrong. If it were a competition, the one keeping tabs would be the one losing. Help other people at all times than discouraging them, it hurts them even more.
6. “As I just said before…”
What they hear: “You don’t listen to me. You’re making me repeat myself. You’re so annoying and dumb”
This is a very sneaky conversation killer. If someone asks you a question and you point out that you’ve already answered it, then you’re killing their willingness to learn, or even to have a slight interest in what you say.
It is good to Say the same thing in another way and by illustrating it differently.